


Less a Problem Child, More a Devil’s Spawn

by kunimi (typewritings)



Series: world domination begins in a ramen shop [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, Ramen, hanamaki is ahead of his team y'all, no beta we die like men, re: not that funny tbh, world domination plans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 19:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21003119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/typewritings/pseuds/kunimi
Summary: The team discuss their scariest member in the club.For some reason, Hanamaki is adamant that Kunimi is the scariest.





	Less a Problem Child, More a Devil’s Spawn

**II. Less a Problem Child Than a Devil’s Spawn**

When Hanamaki had first met the first years, he found them a tad boring, practically harmless, really. He wasn’t going to give a damn about any of them, until Oikawa and Iwaizumi had approached two of them. They’d been their underclassmen in middle school, apparently.

Upon closer inspection, Hanamaki had figured that his first impression of them still didn’t change. The taller one looked just plain weird in general, resembling some sort of vegetable while the other just seemed to lack any type of emotions.

They had looked like they’d be able to entertain him for maybe a week or two, a month if he was lucky.

If only his hunch at that time had been right.

“Who do you think is the most terrifying member of the club?” Yahaba asked, during one of their usual ‘Truth or Dare’ games. It was a complete coincidence that they’d all come to practice too early, the first time. Then it happened a second time, a third time, and so on, until it practically became tradition.

Most of the members were there, every time. Iwaizumi and Oikawa were always the first to arrive, and always together, since they lived near each other. Either Hanamaki or Watari followed soon after, not that it really mattered, because they’d both sneak pictures of the captain and vice-captain and spread it among the team. Matsukawa always showed up with Yahaba and Kyoutani bickering behind him, sometimes joined by Kindaichi, if he wasn’t with Kunimi.

Because Kunimi was either _always_ late, or not there at all.

Like today.

But back to the question. Hanamaki leaned on Matsukawa as they watched Watari come up with an answer for Yahaba. “Coach Mizoguchi!”

“Mizoguchi-kun?” Oikawa lifted his head from Iwaizumi’s lap and sat up. “No way! Between him and coach, coach is definitely scarier.”

Watari shrugged. “That’s only you, captain. Since none of us overwork our knees doing serves, you know?”

“That is _so_ uncalled for, Watacchi, I’m going to kick you out of the club for betrayal.”

Iwaizumi elbowed Oikawa in the ribs, making him yelp in pain. “No, you won’t. We don’t have a better libero than Watari.”

“Thank _you,_ senpai! Finally, someone who appreciates me!”

“So what does _that_ make me?” Yahaba asked dryly as he crossed his arms. “Also, I meant the members, not the teachers. Even if they’re _technically_ members.”

“Then, Oikawa-san,” Watari said without hesitation.

Oikawa looked thoroughly offended at that and had no qualms in being dramatic about it. He put his hand on his chest in fake outrage, his mouth open as he gasped. “Excuse _me? _”

“You’re excused,” said Iwaizumi.

“Iwa-chan?!”

Hanamaki snorted as the rest of the group burst into laughter at their captain’s antics. Oikawa was all bark but no bite; there was honestly nothing scary about him at all.

Their captain let out a noise of disbelief when he said as much to their teammates. “_Et tu,_ Makki?!”

“The scary ones are really the quiet ones,” Hanamaki said, snickering as he remembered a particular conversation. “I don’t remember who told me, but apparently, _someone_ went off after our resident mad dog at our last match against Karasuno.”

Yahaba turned red, but he didn’t shrink from the accusation. “So what?”

On the other hand, Kyoutani might’ve growled at Hanamaki, but he immediately shut up after a glare from Yahaba.

“See? The quiet ones.”

“If we’re talking about the quiet ones,” Matsukawa spoke up, his eyes sliding over to Kindaichi, “then isn’t our tall first year over here the quietest one?”

“I’m amazed you managed to say ‘quietest’ without tripping over it, actually.”

“Thank you, Watari, didn’t you know? I’m a genius.”

Oikawa squinted his eyes at Kindaichi. “_Kindaichi?_ Scary? No, impossible. Not my innocent son.”

Kindaichi let out a strangled sound. “_Son? _” Everyone ignored him.

“He still spooked the Karasuno shrimp pretty well, didn’t he?” Iwaizumi commented.

“Shrimpy jumps at _everything_, though.”

“Uhm,” Kindaichi smartly said.

Hanamaki snapped his fingers. “You know who’s scariest in our club? _Kunimi._”

The conversation stopped abruptly as everyone turned to stare at Hanamaki with disbelief, which he understood, but still, where was the _trust?_

Admittedly, Kunimi was lazy and didn’t seem like the type of person who’d be terrifying, but he certainly had the potential. As someone who constantly schemed to go about his day without spending more than the necessary amount of energy, Kunimi had all the expertise needed for his evil plans, had he any motive to do so.

Which, thankfully, he didn’t.

Hanamaki hoped.

Oikawa waved his hand in front of Hanamaki’s face. “Makki, did you hit your head? Do we need to bring you to the hospital? How many fingers am I holding up?” He was not holding any fingers up.

“Excuse me, I’m offended.” Hanamaki slapped his hand away.

“Kunimi can’t be _ scary,_” Iwaizumi argued, “he’s too lazy!”

“Exactly.” Matsukawa pointed finger guns at their vice-captain. Hanamaki rolled his eyes.

“When you guys get blackmailed by the lazy kid, I’m gonna show up at your window, stare deep into your soul and say ‘I told you so.’” Hanamaki crossed his arms and shrugged. “As a matter of fact, for all we know, he might have folders of incriminating screenshots of our group chat on his computer.”

Kindaichi choked. Kyoutani tried to pat his back to help him but that only seemed to worsen the situation as the first year startled. Soon, the whole team forgot about Hanamaki’s hypothesis and crowded around their youngest member in concern.

“Well,” Watari said before they all dispersed to set up the gym for practice, “we can agree to disagree on the scariest member, but everyone agrees that Hanamaki-san is delusional.”

* * *

The topic of Kunimi possibly being able to conquer the world—or, in simpler terms, being the most terrifying member of the club—comes up again the next day as the team settled at a table at their usual ramen place. They opened the menus to pretend to browse the available options before choosing the same thing they chose every time they came to the restaurant.

“Say, Kunimi-chan.” Hanamaki’s ears pricked as he caught Oikawa sitting between Kunimi and Iwaizumi.

Kunimi lifted his eyes from his menu to look at his upperclassman. “Yes?”

“Do you take screenshots of our group chat?”

Hanamaki winced. Way to be blunt.

Kunimi stared. “How’d you know about those?” He looked at Kindaichi. “Did you tell them?”

Oikawa’s jaw dropped. Iwaizumi set his tea cup a little too loudly on the table. Slowly, the chatter quieted down as everyone turned to observe the situation as Kindaichi adamantly denied ratting Kunimi out.

Hanamaki casually sipped his tea, and raised an eyebrow whenever one of his teammates met his eyes. _What'd I say?_

Oikawa plucked the menu out of Kunimi’s grasp. “You’re not getting any ramen.”

Kunimi looked downright affronted. “_My ramen._ I could _ruin_ you and you still take away my ramen?”

Their captain didn’t look fazed, but Hanamaki could've sworn there was a bead of sweat dripping on his forehead. “Can't bring anyone down on an empty stomach. Didn't Coach teach us that?”

Kunimi grumbled and slunked back in his seat. Oikawa took that as a victory.

Meanwhile, Hanamaki wondered if their captain’s reputation was going to be intact by graduation. Well, it wasn’t his problem.

**Author's Note:**

> i tried.
> 
> tumblr | [@typowritings](https://typowritings.tumblr.com/)


End file.
